-Aubrey

Time for Some Time-travellin’

2009-11-28T09:06:00.001+07:00

If Aubrey2009 get to meet Aubrey2001, she probably would have a hard time believing all the great things that had happened (and is still happening) to Aubrey2009 –although a visit from the future is unbelievable in the first place.

So what would I tell my just-graduated-from-grade-six self if I did get to meet her? And just a little side story: If ever I could go back to the past, I’d choose to go back to my Grade Six graduation because I’d be in another graduation (although a much different one) in a few months’ time and because I remember telling my mom after seeing her cry, “Ma, iyak ka diyan. May highschool at college pa.” Pardon me while I spew another cliché: how time flies.

And so… I’d tell that much hopeful and much worried little girl not to worry, for even if a high school diploma sounded a little impossible that time, it will come. And not just a high school diploma li’l girl, no. You’d even be queuing nine years later for your UP diploma. Oh, and you can stop holding your breath.

And then I’d tell her I have to go back now, because I just remembered I have to write about the future and not about her.

Anyway, I’ve always wanted to do something a little adventurous and/or noble back then, and I still do. I wanted to become an archaeologist, a journalist, an astronaut, a teacher and so many other -ists and -ers and I still do. I blogged about this here: http://aubreygraze.multiply.com/journal/item/113/Plano_sa_buhay

So what am I going to do after graduation? *Drumrolls*

I plan on working in a software company as a developer. I prefer startup companies where I believe I’d have more room for growth and improvement. Startup companies would also provide more excitement because I’d be working with a team that is constantly striving to improve their product and service. They would also have more room for creativity as compared to big multinational companies. I have no particular company yet in mind, although my thesis adviser had been dropping hints all year long of starting a company out of our thesis project (which involves educational games).

There are also openings from IT companies abroad (both startups and multinational ones), specifically from Japan. I’d give them a shot, because working in a foreign country sounds adventurous, and I’ve always wanted adventure.

And then, after 2-4 years, I plan on going back to school and study Archaeology or Marine Science or Geology or maybe Journalism—study for studying sake. I have to save up a lot for this but I am determined to make at least one of my so many childhood dreams come true.

Of course, I won’t forget HAI. I promise to support the organization in every way that I can. Supporting HAI is also a fulfillment of one of my dreams, which is being able to help another person achieve more than she, or he, could ever dream of.

With so many things I could finally do, no wonder I can’t wait for graduation. Hello Aubrey2010! J

Because I need to sort out a lot of things...

2009-11-28T02:09:00.003+07:00

I never did learn how to argue properly,
not when my arguments are mostly based on how I feel
and I couldn't really describe my feelings.
I can't explain why I can't choose sides but
I know, or rather feel, that I'm right. Only sometimes, I feel that there's something wrong with being right, specially when...
I think my thoughts are too wordy.
I'm too selfish and that clashes with my concern for a lot
of people I shouldn't feel concerned about in the first place.
I'm certain that there are things that I hear
and read that greatly affects me- and influences the
kind of issues that I would have.
God is still there, but so are the questions and the more that
I try to push those questions at the back of my mind
the more that I find it difficult to hold on to his existence in my
mind.
Yes, God EXISTS. It's just me. Just a teeny weeny part of me that's
obsessed with challenging even the truth.(Oh and just so you know, that tiny part knows God exists-- for other people, that is.)
I don't what should I be, and it's easier to decide that I should be nothing,
no, not normal, because normal people at least get to be something (or somebody- I don't care). Normal people fight for at least one thing in their
life, and I'm so confuse what to fight for (or what I'm fighting for) it's so much easier to stay in the sideline and let normal people do the fighting.
I have dreams... but now I'm not sure if they do matter.
And I'm not depressed, just doing more thinking than what's healthy. And I need to let these thoughts out before they interfere with my "normal-everyday-self" act.

Plurk!

2009-02-20T23:40:00.001+07:00

Cool ng app na dinevelope ni cathy. As the name suggests, it condenses your plurk/twitter posts into one blog post. Sample:

ausome waaaah. talo. 10:14:10 AM
ausome ok, i'm being pawned. 10:06:40 AM
ausome chocolates + dota == 07:26:32 AM
ausome plurk plurk. 10 vids done! 02:52:41 AM

dreamless*

2008-09-30T17:57:00.001+07:00

i tried to paint the face in my mind
but it just wouldn't form
the color had faded.
it's not even black
i tried to hold on to the smile
but it just slips through my hand
i tried to remember the feebled voice of agony
and the sadness of inevitability
and the sound of the fading
footsteps
but only silence remained
and then nothing.
i tried to recall the happiness of the earlier time
and the ghost of the joy
from the bruises of guided learning
or the trace of gratitude
for the balance gained from guidance
but nothing
i tried to feel the last touch of the hand
the tightness for a moment
in the fruitless attempt to hold on.
but there wasn't
no sadness
no wistfulness
nothing,
only the feeling that i should have remembered
more than just the name.

*wherever you are, maybe we will meet again.
and then perhaps you could tell me those stories,
like you did before (did you?)
or your dreams if you had them.
i guess i'm kinda sorry i
never did try to retain the memories
but you see, i never really expected that i would forget-
or that i would try to remember someday*

*happy birthday - that is, if you still count the years.*

Pareja, Aubrey Graze V.

Updates

2008-08-11T12:39:00.003+07:00

But what would i write here?
I know for sure that a lot have changed.
And I'm not just talking about physical changes.
I've changed more on the inside
than on the outside.
And it's weird, I know I've changed.
I just don't know how, or in what way.
Boredom is still my worst enemy
but there is a million things to do now...
Why do i still feel bored, sometimes?
I've done a lot of things,
But sometimes I still feel as if
I have done nothing with my life.
Some of my old hurts have resurfaced
and I'm able to look at them in another way
such that they hurt less.
But still they hurt.
I've gotten to know new expectations from me
more pressures
into becoming a "better" person.
I've changed, I know,
but can anybody tell me if
it's for the better?

Aubrey likes to...

2008-06-15T10:28:00.002+07:00

1.Aubrey likes to tell the tales that have endured. -> well, mahilig nga ako magkwento, at makipagkwentuhan.

2. Aubrey likes to spend time in his hotel room watching the porn channels and relieving his stress. -> wala na kong ibang masabi...

3. Aubrey likes to go camping. -> yep! masaya ang camping, lalo na pag overnight, tapos maraming stars sa gabi.

4. Aubrey likes to play volleyball, shop, and head to the beach to work on her tan. -> 0/3. di ako marunong mag volleyball, pasyal at kain lang ang kadalasan kong purpose sa mall, at walang malapit na beach sa min.

5.Aubrey likes: to play with water and make messes, mac & cheese, books, and Peter Pan. -> 6/6. pero pangarap palang ngayon ang mac. hehe

6.Aubrey likes to be different. -> paminsan-minsan. papampam ako eh.

7.Aubrey likes to go to ball games and hold up a banner with this message: "John 3:16". ->

8. Aubrey likes to be fair.

9. I know Aubrey likes to show off her boobs but I think everyone has seen them by now. -> uy, di ko gawain yan ah. hehe

10. Aubrey likes to invest in companies he feels has good, quality management. ->

**ang mga smilies ay galing sa multiply.

REFLECTIONS, ETC on Envi Youth Camp in Taal

2008-05-25T19:34:00.008+07:00

Eto ang mga naranasan/natutunan/nagawa sa loob ng apat na araw na pakikipanirahan sa Sitio Bignay, Pulo, Taal Batangas:
1. Nagulat talaga ako sa sarili ko, kasi ang bilis na naka-adapt ako sa isang sitwasyong malayong-malayo sa nakasanayan ko. Actually, enjoy pa nga ang pag-iigib dahil tulong-tulong namin itong ginagawa. Sabi ni ma'am Trix, kumalat na raw sa buong sitio bignay at maging sa mga karatig na sitio ang ginagawa naming igib-relay at naaaliw sa amin ang mga taga roon.

2. Natuto akong gumising ng alas-4 ng umaga para lang makaligo sa Taal Lake bago ang mga kabayo, baka at iba pang mga alagang hayop doon. Nasanay na rin sa seaweed at sa lamig tuwing umaga. Pero syempre, may reward naman ang paggising ng ganun kaaga: isang napakagandang sunset. May natutunan din akong bagong kanta, turo ni kuya Gnoe (g-noy). May kasama pa yang moves:

Tayo nang maligo...Katabi kabayo...Ang feeling ko, fresh na fresh ako...I pamper
mo, i pamper mo... I cellphone mo, i cellphone mo... i earthquake mo, i
earthquake mo... fresh na fresh ako...

3. Naranasan ko ang isang nakamamatay na trek! Exaj lang ako, hehe. Do-able naman xa, kaso lang kailangan talaga ng energy kasi matarik yung ibang lugar na madadaanan. Tapos may part pang umuusok-usok sa init at amoy rotten egg. Pero kapag natapos mo ang trek, isang napakagandang view ang naghihintay sa taas. Kaya worth it lahat ng hingal at pagod at hilo... Karamihan ng mga nagpupunta dun naka- kabayo, pero promise, mas maganda ang view kung maglalakad ka. Warning: 50 pesos po ang isang 12 oz ng softdrinks at buko, 100 pesos ang beer. Sa hirap akyatin ng tuktok, worth it talaga yung price. Lesson: magbaon ng tubig. Pero ate, salamat po sa discount sa softdrinks at buko. =p

4. Natutunan ko ang isyu na kinahaharap ng mga mamamayan sa mga komunidad sa paligid ng Taal. at dahil sa kaalamang iyon, nag level-up ang aking pagnanais na maipagtanggol (naks, super hero, hehe) ang kalikasan at magkaroon ng bahagi sa pakikibaka ng mga mamamayan doon para sa kanilang mga karapatan. Madalas na nababanggit sa amin na isang malaking bagay na para sa kanila ang pagdalaw namin sa kanilang komunidad. Sa pamamagitan nito, naramdaman nila na hindi sila nag-iisa sa laban.

5. Kumapal ang mukha ko, pramiz. Mga katulad ba naman nila Alex, Kuya Gnoe at Phillip ang kasama mo. Pero, seryoso, natutuwa akong makilala lahat ng nakilala ko sa youth camp (lalagay ko sana lahat ng names dito, kaso tinamad ako eh). Salamat sa inyong lahat, kasi hindi ako magiging ganito kung di dahil sa inyo. Hehe.

6. Marami pang iba. Pero dahil mejo sluggish pa ako ngaun, tsaka na lang. Yung pics, pa-upload na po (hehe, leech)...

7. Pahabol: first time ko palang marinig sa camp yung mga kinanta/tinugtog nila Kuya Omer, Kuya Chimi, Kuya Jimmy, etc. Fan nyo na po ako, ang swabe talaga ng mga boses nyo. =p.

8. Pahabol number 2: updated sked (Off-topic, bangag kasi ako eh...)

I'm an elf queen

2008-05-17T19:17:00.002+07:00

English meaning of the girl´s name Aubrey:

rules with elf-wisdom

French meaning of the girl´s name Aubrey:

rules with elf-wisdom

German meaning of the girl´s name Aubrey:

noble, bright

Maybe

2008-05-17T18:15:00.001+07:00

Woah, was it already 4 years? Sometimes I still miss high school, when life was a lot simpler and it was much easier to dream because you didn't know much of Reality.
But then, most of the time I am thankful for the years that have passed. Thankful that at least I had gotten somewhere, even if where I am now may not commensurate to what I had dreamed of before.
Too many times I have been asked this question. Do you like what you're doing now? And too many times I tried to evade the answer, choosing a safe "maybe" to a sure yes - or no.
Two or three years ago I was like a driftwood in an open sea, taking in whatever life dishes out to me, never resisting the current, idly wondering where I will float next. But some thing (or things) had disturb my idyllic drifting and prodded me to confront my most hated question of all - Do i like what I'm doing?
I guess it started when I took up a certain subject in school and met certain people last sem. That's when the question started to come forth, and that's when I reluctantly decided to look for an answer- an answer that I may not like.
And guess what it was?
Maybe, I like what I'm doing. Sure, there are certain aspects of it that I don't like ( Math, for example) and sure it gets boring sometimes. But I also love other parts (the people I get to meet and of course, the prestige). Sometimes I wonder whether I should have chosen another field, but for the life of me, I could not imagine myself anywhere else. Sometimes I think my knowledge was adequate, even more than enough. Sometimes I feel like I don't know a thing, and perhaps should have studied something else.
I wish I could find a book that could give me a straight answer. But I wouldn't, and I guess I should settle with a maybe.
And I'd probably spend a lifetime wondering.

New Sched. (CRS, I **** YOU)

2008-05-17T10:53:00.005+07:00

Wah! No CS 135, Stat 130. Stat 130 classes are all closed. Never mind Stat 130, I could take it next year. But I must take CS 135 this sem.

My (tentative) Class Sked.

2008-05-12T19:51:00.003+07:00

It all depends on CRS.

Before you ask 'Why?!'

2008-05-09T18:38:00.003+07:00

Got this from my email...
So touching...
Click on the image to enlarge.

In Silence

2008-04-28T18:17:00.004+07:00

You chose to keep your little secret
coz' you thought it wouldn't hurt
But all the denials and pretensions
wouldn't protect your fragile heart
Yes, he won't know the truth
He wouldn't have a clue
By not knowing girl, do you think
he can't hurt you?
Yes, he can
and he wouldn't even know he can.
You would have a solid pride
And a shattered heart...
And days full of questions
what if's and could have beens...
What if he feels the same way,
and what if he doesn't?
Well at least, you got to be sure
and maybe then, you could move on.
The silence could protect your pride
it could save your face...
But could it save your life?
You could deny the answer
you could tell a lie...
But deep down you know the truth,
Could it? Could it?

The Future is a Nightmare

2008-04-22T18:51:00.002+07:00

The future is a nightmare
Gray skies and black seas
and tall menacing buildings
over silent cities.
People wearing face masks
crowding silent streets
devoid of human voices
and full of pattering feet.
dried trees in museums
dogs and cats in zoos
and cockroaches roaming the city
in fours and threes and twos.
the sky crying acid
and badly scarred land
precious water in bottles
precious air in cans.
bananas and apples in pills
and grasses in pics
dirty rivers are history
cleans ones are myth.

wake up.
the future might be a nightmare
but the present is still not
the future will be a nightmare
if we all don't start to act.

I've Got Mail

2008-04-22T18:31:00.006+07:00

I was surprised. I wasn't expecting that would still remember that email address. Perhaps, you weren't expecting that i would still be using it, after all these years. I don't know what made you send that message, after more than three years of keeping out of touch. I could guess your reasons, but knowing you, I would not guess it right.
I've forgotten about you. Really. But that one line had brought back memories and that one line had caused me a sleepless night. I did not want to reply; I did not want to give you the idea that I actually kept you not in my memory, but in my heart.
But there you have it. You still have the same effects on me, the fluttering of the heart, the excitement, effects that i still try to hide behind childish exuberance. I tried to stop the smile curving in my lips. And it's silly, you're not going to see it anyway.
I remember now, the first time that we've met. In that perpetually noisy corridor, when I was introduced to the school paper editor. You weren't what I had expected. No glasses. I had this crazy idea that all school paper editor-in-chiefs wear glasses (my elementary school paper's editor in chief wears them). And you had erased that notion like you did to many of my crazy ideas.
I guess... this is one of those crazy ideas. And another one-- I could never finish this. Poor excuse for being lazy.

mga pahabol (fr. kc uli)

2008-04-11T19:54:00.003+07:00

teleserye @ Pagsanjan

agaw eksena ang sunlight

giant tingting!

more pics (from kc)

2008-04-11T18:22:00.044+07:00

sometimes, you wish that the experience would never end... pero ganun talaga, sa bawat bakasyon, may uwian. Salamat po sa experience. Hanggang sa uulitin.. :p

kung may full house, may full tent

paggising sa umaga... kami ay masaya... haha!

halatang mga inaantok na...

e2 sa tent na 2...

kanikaninong paa ang mga ito?

pagod na kami.... higa muna...

hayyy...

Doon, doon kami nanggaling...

Mala-Amazing Race daw 2... Mahaba pa ang ating lalakbayin...

Pose Galore, GL Girls... heheh

pauwi na nang campsite (madilim na yan)

sa may puno ng Green League.. Inangkin na talaga ang punong yan. hahaha

The President and Vice President for Educational Affairs...

Pagkatapos ng rafting... kami'y basang-basa

I mishu lifejackets... pinalutang mo ang ganda q.. haha

Green Pipz @ Pagsanjan

korean-korean na may halong punkness (ate lei) naman.. hehe Japan-japan!

miss u contestants minus jeko and kuya don... going down, down, down

at e2 ang nadiscover namin... hehe Kuya don. let's explore! c'mon After ng rafting... oooohhh.... i saw something... hehewala kaming kamalay-malay na mababasa na pala kami ng bonggang-bongga! Ang midriff ni kuya, photogenic... hehe Bago sumabak sa unang rafting...

Nakalimutan ko ung pangalan nung prutas, pero yes, prutas yang hawak ni ate lei...

Kung ikaw ay masaya, ngumanga ka... heheh

Jump for the Environment!

dapat flying broom stick to eh...

far-away-look pic pueblo el salvador

sa jip uli

sa jip, on our way to Laguna after ng rafting @ Pagsanjan Falls

Pics from Liv

2008-04-10T20:51:00.010+07:00

Rappelling. Yo!
before going home...
before going home...
Pagsanjan Falls
Some of the 580+ steps...
Sneak peek of a Fall
First rafting experience
This is paradise...

Small Steps

2008-04-07T18:47:00.002+07:00

I haven't done much for the Environment
I couldn't even say if I did a little
But I did do something...
And it was with small steps that I managed
to conquer the 580+ steps at Pagsanjan
I may have stopped at some point,
I may have been ready to give up halfway...
But I did reach the top.
And so, it is with small deeds that I would make
this tiny part of the world a better place.
Afterall,
the world is made up of tiny parts.

Back from Cavinti II

2008-04-07T14:10:00.002+07:00

On our way home we passed by Caliraya Lake where we took pictures and enjoyed the sea breeze. :p The view was really awesome: great expanse of blue and green. We also bought espasol from a passing vendor who gave us free tastes.
Then we continued with the journey. We occasionally stopped to take pictures. There were a lot scenic areas along the way. But we were already sleepy (since most of us didn't have much sleep last night), so the trip home was less raucous. We had lunch at Chowking. Revived by the food, the people started getting noisy again but only for a few minutes.
After 3 (or more ? ) hours we reached Quezon City.

Back from Cavinti!

2008-04-06T19:28:00.007+07:00

I think this is the most fun filled summer get-away.
For our semender, UPGL decided to go to...see Pagsanjan Falls in Cavinti, Laguna!
A group of Champs (Champions for Christ), whom we had christened "thunders" :p, accompanied us.
The fun started at the jeepney ride. Jeko, (our youngest mem) started throwing centipede jokes around.
Examples:
Q: Ilan ang paa ng centipede na tumatawid?
A: 99. Ung isa nakataas para i-stop ung traffic.

Q: Bakit umiyak si Daddy Centipede nang may ipabili si baby Centipede?
A: Kasi nagpabili si Baby C nang sapatos?
Q: Eh, bakit umiyak si Baby C?
A: Kasi sinipa siya ni Daddy C.

Corny. :D But it did serve its purpose of making us laugh. Soon the other people (that's Leah, Liv, Don, Me, Carla, Jeko and Uzi) started coming up with joke of their own.
Q: Anong tawag sa grupo ng mga magnanakaw na sapatos?
A: Robber Shoes!
Q: Eh anong tawag sa leader nila?
A: Leather (leader) shoes.

Q: Anong tawag sa leader ng mga banana?
A: Banana chief
Q: Eh nang mga potato?
A: Potato chief

There were jokes that I couldn't reproduce here since those jokes needed voice drama and gestures to be effective. And so we passed the time telling jokes and laughing. At alabang, another group joined us (BK, KC, Ana, and Cere). We replayed our jokes and when everyone had enough, we started playing "killer". We decided to involve the "thunders" in the game. It was in this game that they started to loosen up a little. I became the killer thrice, and I won once. I flipped the first time, managed to outwit them the 2nd time and got caught the third time.
After that we played Pinoy Henyo and the jeepney passengers were divided into two groups : Tempura and Snacku. I belonged to Tempura. Tempura won! (I think). These are the words that we all came up with: tan lines, coral reef, sun tan lotion (beat that!), heatstroke, white sand, two piece, inflatables. (I'll add words to the list sometime).
We had lunch at Jollibee. (I forgot the name of the place). A lot of people did not bring their packed lunches. I bought one and guess what is it? A two piece Chickenjoy from Jollibee. XD
After lunch we continued our journey and the sceneries along the way were really refreshing. The air was getting cooler and fresher as we neared Cavinti. The altitude was also getting higher.
And finally, we reached the place.
We started the trek fifteen minutes later. The path was sometimes rough, sometimes slippery. And it was looong. Our first stop was at Nakulo (I think) were we had our first raft ride. We thought that we would just be crossing the river, and so we board the raft with our jeans and shoes on and also with our bags. But we weren't crossing the river, we'd be taking a "shower" under the fall. It was fun. There were a lot of screaming as everybody tried to protect their bags from the water. We returned to the riverbank with sodden jeans, sodden shoes and sodden bags. Fortunately, we had the presence of mind to encase our cams, cellphones and other valuables with plastic.
We continued with the trek until we reached the rappelling area and the 580+ stairs. It was my first rappel, so I was nervous. Kuya Manong (the one manning the station) kept telling me to relax, but how could I when the estimated vertical distance of the station was more than 10 times my height. I reached the ground, thankfully.
And then we walked some distance before reaching the 2nd rappelling station. My knees were turning jelly this time (there 580+ steps, remember) but I managed to go down, with one or two pictures of the process. After that I had to go down some more steps until I reached Pagsanjan Falls itself.
There were already a lot of tourists there, mostly Koreans. i saw one Korean lady in pumps and mini skirt! I wonder how she braved the trek.
We were told to put on life jackets. And here we had our 2nd raft ride. We didn't bother to remove our shoes. The rafters took us near the Falls where we got sprayed with a lot of water. It was like taking a very, very big shower. We stayed a bit longer at the cave where the water was a lot shallower. (We were told that the water in the river outside the cave was 60 ft deep). It was the first time that I went swimming with my rubber shoes on. We took some pictures, of course. Carla had this very bright idea of encasing her camera in plastic, protecting it from the water.
We tried the water massage wherein we would lie in our stomachs in a raft, and the rafters would take us under (and I mean directly under) the raging falls. We had life vests on so my back didn't hurt much, but my legs were aching by the time we were finished with it. The water felt like a thousand blunt knives (!) falling on you. But it was so fun and exciting that we went back. The 2nd time was with some old Korean Ladies. They were screaming louder than us. :p
After that we went back to the camp. We had to navigate the 580+ steps again, and this time, going up. And remember that we had to rappel twice at some point. To go back, we had to climb up (ala Spiderman) the station. I had to stop so many times during the whole as I was so exhausted. But I managed.
We stopped at the picnic grove where we had a raucous talk about the experience and other things. i don't know, probably because my adrenalin got released too late, but I was more talkative and rowdy during that time. And my one-liners were surprisingly a hit. :P I credited the energy to "one feet" of Pagsanjan water which I claimed I had imbibed.
And then we walked some more to reach our campsite, taking wacky pictures along the way. When we reached the site, some of us had put up tents, while others took a bath. Then we had dinner (which was really good- all thanks to kuya Makisig :D). After that we went to our tents but nobody had the intention of sleeping. We talked, played games, teased each other, star gazed ( the stars were sooo bright. we even saw some shooting stars) and made the graduating members cry. BK was mostly the center of the talks, since it was his love life that was the most interesting. Imagine being linked to 5 GL members (and that includes me :p) ! Haha. BK gamely answered the scandalous (?) and interesting questions and so did the other members. (sorry guys, I can't divulge what we talked about. :p If you wanna know, text BK ON and send to his number. hehe)
Buy 2pm, i fell asleep, but the graduating people were still up and talking by that time. I don't know how long they stayed up.
I woke up to a rainy and very cold morning.
We had breakfast (which was again very good). After breakfast we spent some time talking and getting to know the "thunders". We had a game wherein we guessed what other people's initials stood for. It was, I think, a very good icebreaker, although at that time there was hardly any need for it.
And then we folded the tents, cleaned up and started our journey home.

*to be continued. :p My sight is starting to blur already. :P some pics to be posted sometime

YES OR NO

2008-04-01T18:59:00.002+07:00

THESE RULES:
1. You can only say Yes or No!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain
ANYTHING unless someone messages you
and asks!
3. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING BESIDES YES OR
NO!!!
4. Repost this as the Yes/ No Game!

Over 18?
> YES

Ever told a lie?
> YES

Been arrested?
> NO

Kissed a picture?
> YES

Fallen asleep at work/school?
> YES

Held an actual snake?
> NO

Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident?
> NO

Been fired from a job?
> NO

Sang karaoke?
> YES

Done something you told yourself you
wouldn't?
> YES

Laughed until something you were
drinking came out your nose?
> NO

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
> NO

Kissed in the rain?
> NO

Sang in the shower?
> YES

Sat on a roof top?
> YES

Thought about your past with regret?
> YES

Been pushed into a pool with all your
clothes on?
> YES

Broken a bone?
> YES

Shaved your head?
> NO

Slept naked?
> NO

Played a prank on someone?
> YES

Stayed up longer than 24 hours
straight?
> NO

Had a gym membership?
> NO

Felt like killing someone?
> YES

Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry?
> -na-

Been in a band?
> NO

Shot a gun?
> NO

Liked someone with nobody else
knowing about it?
> YES

Played strip poker?
> NO

Loved someone you shouldn't?
> YES

Have a tattoo?
> NO

Have or had any piercings besides
ears?
> NO

Php Training almost complete!

2008-03-31T18:25:00.003+07:00

We will have our last session on April 6.
I have a project idea but i don't know how to go about it.
Questions:
1. How do you set up a website? Do I just upload all the files in the web host?
2. How do you set up a database in a web host?

Anyway here's a class pic taken by one of my classmate:

The Cherry Blossoms are out!

2008-03-30T18:51:00.003+07:00

I learned from some of my students that the cherry blossoms are already in bloom.
One of them sent me a pic:

The nearby river is called "musasino yousui".
I also have learned that during the war, the cherry blossoms represented the Japanese soldiers because of their short life. :(

2008-03-30T14:49:00.001+07:00

You Don't Need a Man ... or Want One!

Generally, you're very happy being a single woman.

And anyone who has a problem with that... well, that's their problem.

Not that you wouldn't share your life with the almost perfect guy.

You simply won't settle though. Your life is too good to share with some substandard man!

Do You Need a Man?

Start the Countdown... Haha

2008-03-30T14:44:00.001+07:00

You'll Find a Boyfriend Within 3 Weeks

You're out enough to meet plenty of guys

And it shows, because a few are interested in you

Even if you haven't meet the right guy yet

He's standing just around the corner :-)

When Will You Meet Your Next Boyfriend?

school on a sunday

2008-03-30T12:13:00.002+07:00

-currently studying php and mysql
-it's our second to the last session.
-i'm thinking of putting up a site for greenleague as my project.

Bored

2008-03-27T20:29:00.003+07:00

1. Name something that made you frown
today?
- an actor's acting in a tv drama

2. What were you doing at 7:00am?
- sleeping

3. What were you doing 1 hour ago?
- teaching

4. What is something you will never
forget?
- a book

5. What was the last thing you said
aloud?
- what kind of bag will you give a friend?

6. How many different things did you
drink today?
- water, water and water

7. What was the last thing you bought?
- kwek-kwek

8. What color is your room?
- pink

9. What is the weather going to be like
tomorrow?
- hot.

10. Vanilla or chocolate?
- chocolate

11. What are you excited about?
- 1st sem, SY 08-09

12. Are you random?
- sometimes

13. Do you laugh a lot?
- yes! :D

14. Do you have plans tomorrow?
- yep, CS130 review

15. Are you ticklish?
- nope

16. Are you typically a jealous person?
- yep. but i tend to hide it.

17. Who's the 1st person on your
received calls list?
- i already erased the names...

18. What's the 5th text in your inbox?
- minsan, nagkwe2nhan tau ng bigla mong cnb na cute ka....
:
:
:
:
:
ayun
:
:
:
:
:
nauso ang joke... hehe :-D

19. Do you chew on straws?
- nope

20. What is the next concert you're
going to?
- no idea

21. What's the biggest disappointment
to you lately?
- not doing well in a job interview and in a class presentation

22. Is success in your future?
- hope so- no- definitely. kahit successful in failing. haha

23. Do you have a nickname?
- Aubrey.

24. Are you a heavy sleeper?
- yes

25. When was the last time you used a
skateboard?
- never

26. When was the last time you said I
love you to a parent?
- can't remember (but i show it a lot.)

27. Was today a good day?
- just ok

28. What are you listening to?
- none. can't listen to music while teaching via Skype, can I?

29. Are you upset about life right now?
- slightly

30. How do you like to spend the
holidays?
- with lots of activities!

31. Do you currently have feelings for
someone?
- i think so... (hmmmmm)

32. How do you feel about Valentine's
day?
-just ok.

33. How is your hair?
- want it curled.

34. Where do you keep your money?
- in a lot of places

35. What was the weather like on your
b-day?
- great!

36. Would you make out with anyone on
your top 8?
- no

37. What instant messaging system do
you use?
- yahoo messenger, skype

39. Have you ever hiked up a mountain?
- nope, want to..

40. Have you ever told someone of the
opposite sex you loved them and didn't
mean it?
- don't know... probably

41. Is there anyone that doesn't like
you because of something you did?
- yes. but i don't know who.

42. Do you miss someone?
- yep, yep. My highschool friends...

43. When is the last time you laughed?
- 30 seconds ago

44. How are you feeling?
- like i'm in a limbo...

45. Are you bored?
-a bit

Horoscope - again

2008-03-23T17:51:00.001+07:00

Are you feeling like you're stuck in a rut? You have the power to dig yourself out.
-Friendster horoscope

I am stuck in a rut.
Can anybody tell me how to dig myself out?
:(

Achievements?

2008-03-20T10:45:00.003+07:00

You've achieved a lot recently, and you deserve to brag a little bit about it today!
-from Friendster horoscope

Hmmm... so what have i "achieved"?
1. I've joined a new org. (Green League)
2. I've learned a new programming language. (PHP)
3. I've been to two OJT interviews and 2 aptitude exams. (although I don't know the results yet)
4. My group mates and I were able to complete our CS120 project. (Beater Do It!)
5. My group mates and I were able to make our eee9 third design problem work. (and it was a topgun problem :p)
6. I was able to complete the Leadership 101 training from P&G. (and I have a certificate to prove that. :p)
7. I passed my EEE9 Long exams and there is a huge hope that I might be exempted from the finals. (hoping, hoping. fingers crossed)

Update

2008-03-18T15:15:00.003+07:00

I now know what encapsulation and abstraction mean. :p
Encapsulation is the process of concealing some methods from its objects.
Abstraction means modeling complex real-life situations into simpler, er, models. :p
Some of my classmates were reviewing OOP for an interview and I joined in.
That's how I get to know these things. :D
A lot of classmates now know about my disastrous interview with O&B last thursday, thanks to my big mouth. I can't just resist talking about it. It sounds so funny.
But not when I think how it highlighted my lack of knowledge about my "chosen" field.
So i think about it some other way then. :p

Wild boar

2008-03-16T19:50:00.005+07:00

A sign about wild boar. What does it say?

got it here

Why Did I Take Up ComSci?

2008-03-15T14:25:00.000+07:00

I don't know.
Taking up ComSci was just one of the many things in my life that just happened.
Before UP, I was not aware that there is such a field as "Computer Science". I learned how to use the computer during third year high school and all I knew about the web during that time was that it has email, chat and friendster.
I could not remember what I wrote in my UPCAT application. My choices were Biology, Geology or Journalism. Journalism was my first choice. For some weird reason (perhaps because of the name), I included ComSci in my choices.
And here I am.
During my first year, I felt like a non swimmer in an open sea. C programming language was hieroglyphics and the concept of programming was totally alien. It didn't help that some of my classmates were already adept at it.
but needless to say, I survived.
And now I'm in third year, with one failed subject (CS32) to my name.
I thought what I learned during my three years stay was enough. Apparently not.
I am still sadly ignorant of the things going on in the ComSci world. My knowledge on the subject was limited to what I learned at class (and some of them I had already forgotten). There were a lot of things that hardcore Computer Scientists or really techie people take for granted that are very new to me (like web programming, for example).
It's not that I am not interested. On the contrary, I actually want to learn all the things that a Computer Science student should know. Only I don't know where to start.
Or how.

Can you tell me? :p

2 OJT interviews in One Day and the lessons that came with them

2008-03-13T19:41:00.000+07:00

Here's what happened.
Everything went fine with Seer although I was half an hour late. All the interviewers were nice and I had fun talking about myself.
But with Orange and Bronze, it was a nightmare.
well, not really.
The interviewer was nice. It was just that I absolutely had no idea what he was talking about.
Encapsulation? (uh, putting things in a capsule?)
Abstraction? (for sure something to do with really vague things)
He spent more than five minutes trying to think up of question just to prolong the conversation (which was nice of him but it was pretty obvious that i failed. :p)
Then he gave up, and asked me instead: So you have any questions about the company?
And so that he won't feel bad, I did ask questions. We had a nice chat about stuff that I had some idea about. Like what company's good to work for and what company would only turn you into code monkeys (his term). But this chat, unfortunately, is no longer part of the interview.
Better luck next time for me, then. Congatulations to those who made it.
In the meantime, I'm gonna start learning how to be a full blown geek. Next time, I'll know what encapsulation and abstraction mean.
:p

One Childhood Dream Came True

2008-03-12T18:31:00.004+07:00

I'm happily exhausted today.
I spent half of my day teaching waste segregation to Grade 1 pupils.
And they were so active.
I think I had screamed my lungs off explaining what's biodegradable and what's not.
But they had such cute answers to my questions.
Why should we separate our garbage?
Because the garbage can is full. :D
When I was young (and innocent) I dreamed of becoming a teacher.
And now, for one day, it came true.
But one day is enough.

Extreme mood swing part 3

2008-03-07T20:38:00.002+07:00

from super sad to super happy so super sad again
and now to ...
super bored.
must be going crazy.
a lot of people i know act strange these days too.
must be because it's nearly sem end.
yesterday, i spent a good portion of my afternoon taking pictures with my friends.
we took pictures at COELACS 3rd floor, where anytime a teacher could see us doing silly poses.
I laughed a lot yesterday. I think that must be why I feel so exhausted.
We're doing it again this thursday.
Craziness is contagious.

sleepy

2008-03-05T19:08:00.002+07:00

i feel so exhausted.
well today is the Computer Science Undergraduate Symposium.
i am one of the two volunteers.
well, i didn't really do a lot of things.
we just put up posters and loaded the presentations into the laptop.
we also went to Philcoa to have our posters printed.
we watched the symposium to have some ideas of what's in store for us come thesis year.
and it was not pretty.
the panel were a bit well, harsh.
their questions were scary. really.
if you ask me, I'm a bit in awe with the research projects.
i mean, the titles were already intimidating.
well anyway,
i still have a year, but i guess i should think about thesis now.
as in.

just another day

2008-03-04T19:57:00.003+07:00

now where is this energy to blog coming from?
i spent a good half of the day looking for large format printer.
i wasn't able to find a suitable one because i couldn't afford most of the quoted price.
tomorrow's the symposium.
and i don't know what to do.

Extreme Mood Swing part 2

2008-03-03T19:10:00.003+07:00

I'm so tired.
I just had an exam. It was nose-bleeding, brain-melting exam.
I feel drained.
This day is one hell of a day.
Just this morning, we were not able to report in one of my subjects. My teacher locked the classroom door because it was already past 11.30 and a lot of people (which of course, included me) was still outside.
It was probably our fault, but the reason that we didn't enter the classroom was that we didn't notice he was already there. And since we didn't know, we stayed outside and waited for him. Probably because a lot of people were also outside, we didn't notice him enter the classroom.
And then hours later, the exam itself.
I went home dejected.
Will something happen tomorrow that would perk my sodden spirits up?
Hope so.

Extreme mood swing

2008-03-02T17:30:00.004+07:00

Last night, I attended UP Green League's Final Rites.
It was fun! Specially the mem-app activities before the rite itself.
Although I must say it was a bit uncomfortable. But I guess that's what made the event much more memorable.
I would never say this allowed to my co-apps (and if you happen to be one, please don't tell me you've read this entry) but i was a bit teary-eyed after the event.
I guess this event was just what i need to uplift my ever-low mood.
I'm so proud of myself, and of my co-apps.
And I feel so thankful for being with the most wonderful, craziest (in an nice way) environmentalist of UP.
Gang green gang, Aja!

ps.
i sure don't feel unhappy now. :D

empty

2008-02-29T18:52:00.002+07:00

well. long time no post.
it has been a very busy month. i had to do so many things, meet so many people, talk about so many topics. time was very precious, and sleep was (and still is) priceless.
the funny thing is, i never seemed to accomplish anything. everything that i set out to would come out half-finished.
and there's still a lot to do.
it's a bit amazing for me that despite all the million things to do, i still can't help but waste precious minutes (minutes which i should be spending on sleep) at night to brood about things- and about me.
i feel empty. and i shouldn't feel that way.
i mean, i just joined a new organization (and an environmental one at that), met a lot of new (and nice) people and is currently learning a new programming language. i should feel at least a little bit accomplished. but i don't.
i laugh, i tell jokes, i prance around and act childish and in every way appear to be contented and happy. and most of the time i try to think i am happy.
thing is, i'm not sure if i really am.

p.s.
if you're reading this and got depressed, I'm sorry. maybe this is just a phase.

The first day of my 21st year

2008-01-16T09:27:00.001+07:00

I haven't had much time to blog recently.
but since it's my birthday, i'll take a time off.
let's see, 20 years on planet earth, 14 years of formal education, 2 years of adulthod... what did i learn?
am i a better person now, than say, 5 years ago?
i have been a kindergarten student, an elementary student, an elementary salutatorian, a red cross volunteer, a school paper feature editor, literary editor. i am a poet, short story writer, essayist, blogger (or at least i try to be). i am a UPian, comsci student, telemarketer, technical support agent, tutor, environmentalist.
i could probably come up with a million tags for myself , but do those tags make me a better person?
the sad thing is, i can't really tell.

---to be cont'd.

addicted to

2008-01-14T20:19:00.000+07:00

1.capeta
2.princess hours (yeah, yeah late bloomer)
3.science fiction (prostho plus)

Tips for Learning English

2008-01-04T18:13:00.000+07:00

General
Decide why you want to study English. Keep this in mind when studying gets tough.
Regular study is important. Try to study a little and often, 30 minutes a day is better than 3 1/2 hours once a week.
Motivate yourself by studying for an exam eg TOEIC (Test of English for International Communication).

Listening
Try watching movies and tv programmes, and listening to the radio, in English. Don't be discouraged if you can't understand everything first time, the more you listen the more you will understand. With movies on video, if you find it difficult, don't try to watch everything at once; watch a little at a time, checking any new words in your dictionary.
Tape record English radio programmes, listen to them several times.
Listen to songs. Follow the lyrics sheet that often comes with a CD. Try to write the lyrics of a song only by listening to it; you'll probably need to listen several times with many pauses. (The lyrics of many songs can be found on the Internet, try starting with a search engine such as Google, Yahoo or AltaVista.)

Speaking
Practice introducing yourself in English.
Prepare a 5 minute presentation on a subject that interests you. Give it to your friends.
Speak to as many English people as possible; if you see English people in your country, say hello and ask if they need any help.
Have an "English Only" party with your friends. Have English food, beer and conversation!
Reading
Read newspaper and magazine articles that interest you.
Subscribe to an English newspaper or magazine or read one regularly on the Internet
When you find new words try to guess their meaning before looking at them in the dictionary.
Practice reading quickly, without re-reading, to see how much you can understand (this can also help your listening).
Practice different kinds of reading:
Scanning is reading for specific information, eg reading some adverts to find the ones that interest you.
Skimming (or reading for gist) is reading to get the main point of a piece of text, eg you might do this with a newspaper or magazine to decide which articles to read in full.

Writing
Keep a diary. For each day consider the "WH"-questions (what, where, who, when, why, how).
Write reviews of movies you've seen, restaurants you've eaten at etc. Describe them and say what you liked - and didn't like about them.
Find some English speaking penpals or email friends to practice real English communication with. Write letters to newspapers and magazines on subjects that interest you.

Vocabulary
Read newspaper and magazine articles that interest you. Write down any new or difficult words. Try to guess what you think they mean from how they are used. Check the meanings in a dictionary.
Try using an English-English dictionary before looking at the translation of new words. Try the Oxford Elementary Learner's Dictionary of English, or Collins COBUILD Advanced Learners English Dictionary.
Write down and check new words or expressions you hear in movies, songs etc.
Do crossword puzzles and other word games.
Set yourself targets for learning new words - eg try to learn 10 new words a week.

Grammar
Most native speakers NEVER learn rules of grammar.
English grammar rules are complex and have many exceptions. It is best to learn grammar by hearing and reading as much natural English as you can.

from:English: The International Language (edited)

There was a young lady from niger...

2007-12-19T18:33:00.001+07:00

There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
At the end of the ride
The lady was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger.

from: http://www.opundo.com/limericks.htm

Limerick

2007-12-19T18:26:00.002+07:00

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When asked why this was,
He answered 'because
I always try to fit as many syllables into the last line as ever possibly I can.'

from:wikipedia

This is Fun! Fill in the blanks...

2007-12-19T18:19:00.001+07:00

A limerick is a five-line poem written with one couplet and one triplet. If a couplet is a two-line rhymed poem, then a triplet would be a three-line rhymed poem.

There once was a pauper named Meg
Who accidentally broke her _______.
She slipped on the ______.
Not once, but thrice
Take no pity on her, I __________.

from http://volweb.utk.edu/Schools/bedford/harrisms/limerick.htm

How Could You Not Love A Man (Who Loves Another Woman)?

2007-11-25T10:57:00.000+07:00

I saw him kiss her cheek.
I saw him hug her spontaneously.
Bet every girl around was thinking,
"Wish that girl was me..."

I saw them holding hands.
His smiles were all for her.
And when she smiled back, I could tell
She is all that matters...

I watched them laugh together
As they shared a meal...
To them, nothing else seems to matter
Nothing, except what they feel.

One day, he approached me,
his feelings running high.
"Write me a poem , please" said he,
"Tell her what I feel inside..."

And so I did write a poem
about a very special person
But boy, was it hard...
I kept messing my pronouns...
*************************
For how could I not love the man
Who lets his emotions shout
And who's not ashamed to show his feelings
For that person he's all about?
And when I see
that he cares and loves her completely,
How could I not love the man
(and wish that the girl was me)?

Regrets

2007-11-18T14:08:00.000+07:00

Whenever I'm alone,
And I dwell on memories
There was somebody who stood out among the rest.
Someone I took for granted till it was too late
For everything, yes everything...
but mere useless regrets.
I remembered the words carefully expressed
That I blatantly ignored much to his distress.
I remember the moments...
remember them too clearly
All those yearning looks bestowed upon me...
Moments that I thought were part of a show
till it was too late to realize that all of them was true.
And I heard the sweet, soft voice that I thought was phony.
Oh, I didn't realize how much it will mean to me
No, all I thought of was 'it wasn't real'
And maybe that's because I wasn't listening very well.
The attention and concern
That I thought were all jokes...
The teasing and flattery and misinterpreted looks...
I didn't understand anything till it was too late
to realize that nothing's left but mere useless regrets.
Too late to wish, I should have realized it before.
That moment is no longer an open door...

Had I known it
Had I realized it was true
(well, it's too late)
But I wouldn't have said no.

Insomnia 1

2007-11-18T14:07:00.000+07:00

Here I am, I can't sleep again...
Thinking about the same stupid things.
I don't know why, but I just can't forget...
Echoes of the past keeps resounding in my head.
Why is it that when there's something
you wish to bury deep in your heart,
Something forces you to remember
when you'd rather not?
And always there is a name,
or sweet sad melody...
that happens to be a reminder
of that unwanted memory.

Two Strangers in a Bus

2007-11-18T14:04:00.000+07:00

Two strangers in a bus

Uneasy silence
fingers busy with phone
wrapped up in ipod sounds

bus skidding to a stop
bodies thrown in a sudden
eyes meet
burst of laughter

silence...
then--

gathering courage to speak
hopeful glances
hidden smiles

the bus stops---
it's sad goodbye

Me? A Philosopher?

2007-11-16T19:01:00.000+07:00

Interesting... I've never considered philosophy a career option though...

I.Am.Aubrey

2007-11-15T14:54:00.000+07:00

I am a contradiction.

I am...

...shy and talkative
...brave and afraid of ghosts.
...romantic inside, cynical outside
... a pretender who's being herself.

I am...

...selfish and generous

...a lazy person who works hard

...a good adviser...

...who never follows her own advice.

I think LOVE is corny

...but I make poems about IT.

I don't believe roses are sweet...

...but says otherwise on paper.

I am a knowledgeable person

...who doesn't know a lot of things.

I am curious person

...who doesn't have any question.

I'm hilarious

I'm boring

I'm noisy

I'm silent

I'm nice-

I'm otherwise

I am a contradiction.

I am Aubrey.

Rituals of the Heart

2007-11-14T19:11:00.000+07:00

I wake up each morning
thinking of you.
I do this for minutes
before everything I do.
I enter the classroom
with a smile in my face.
Because I see you sitting
at your usual place.
I breeze through the day,
my thoughts are on you.
Oh, never mind the lesson,
it's you I want to know.
As I retire late
in my soft warm bed,
pictures of you
fill up my head.
And one bothering thought
would come across my way...
Were you thinking of me
the way I did today?

Incorrigible

2007-11-13T11:49:00.000+07:00

I've been in love

for what seems to be a thousand times...

I've been hurt

twice as much.

And you'd think--

I'd be tired-

I'd be worn-

I'd be numbed-

But no...

This incorrigible heart keeps on
beating.

Even in its battered state.

I'd be walking on the streets thinking,

thinking about the past

swearing to the heavens

I'd never, never, never

fall in---

A face would catch my eye...

and sigh

here I go again.

Geeky?

2007-11-12T19:33:00.001+07:00

40% Geek

Just this much? So disappointed...

2007-11-12T19:29:00.000+07:00

$5315.00

San Antonio Dating

in Solitude

2007-11-01T11:41:00.000+07:00

My teardrops echoed in the silence of my room.
The solitude heightened the pain I bear alone...
I could hear the ghost of your laughter and it hurts even more,
coz I never made you laugh that way
when you were mine before.
What sweet memories are there to remember,
when there were none?
And all memories that we had were such cold bitter ones..
Your smiles for me now, were just too impersonal,
There's something in between us (like a cold icy wall).
It's stupid to think of you,
when i'm all alone and sad...
and it's hopeless and crazy
for wanting you back.
you were never for me...
-never would be.

" a heartbreak isn't always as loud as a bomb. sometimes its as soft as a feather falling. and the most difficult thing is- no one knows it, but YOU."

by: Aubrey Graze Pareja

Crush(ed)

2007-11-01T11:39:00.000+07:00

i caught your smile
as i walked down the hall
it was foolish but
it made my heart soar
then i looked behind me
and there i saw
to whom the smile
was really for
she answered with a wave
of her hand
i watched you hurry
to her side
my heart broke into a
million pieces
as i watched you greet her
with a kiss.
how could it be
that what you made me feel
so easily
is so difficult to cope with
i found myself falling
deeper and deeper
when i know i shouldn't
i tried to quench
this senseless longing
but you keep invading my mind
i keep thinking of you
how could i feel something
this strange
to someone i hardly know?

by: Aubrey Graze Pareja

I'm a pixie! (Not the harry potter pixie)

2007-10-29T12:27:00.001+07:00

What type of Fae are you?

From Childish Dreams to...

2007-10-29T12:03:00.000+07:00

When I was a child, I dreamed big dreams. My mom’s always fond of telling how I used to boast I would become an employee of Bangko Sentral (yeah, coz’ that’s where money is made). Perhaps, I thought making money is as easy as counting them, but then, I was a child, what did I know?
When I was in grade school and teachers were fond of asking this question (what would you be when you grow up?), I changed my answer several times. At first, I thought I wanted to be a teacher. I held onto this belief for a couple of years, inspired by the apparent contentment and happiness I saw in my teachers. I thought it was a piece of cake to teach and manage thirty to fifty grade-schoolers, but then, I was a grade-schooler myself, what did I know?
And then I read from books what an exciting job being an astronaut is. I used to have daydreams about being up there, exploring the mysterious dark universe. I used to daydream about being in a space ship, floating in the weightlessness of space. I’ve also read about archaeology, seen Indiana Jones, learned a bit about Egypt and changed my mind. I wanted to become an archaeologist. I thought that my second preference was much more attainable; after all, it was closer to earth. The books made it seem to me that I could be anything I wanted, which goes to show what I knew then.
I was in grade 5 when the possibility of being a writer was opened up to me. My teacher in English had praised my composition and an idea entered my head. Why not? I started keeping a diary which I promised I would keep forever (I think I stopped writing on it after a few days). I tried to write poems, took a stab at short stories and made it a point to pass the best formal compositions I could come up with. I read every book I could lay my hands on, hunting for ideas that would impress my teacher and my classmates. Sometimes I include passages from the works I read in my works (I never knew what plagiarism meant that time) and if my teacher noticed, she never told me about it. Predictably, when I reached grade 6, I was chosen as one of the editors of Lagablab, our school paper. I joined journalism contests, won the first place in the Division level, and believed with all of my heart that I would truly be a writer someday.
I graduated from elementary and entered PCWHS. I was already old enough then to know that being a teacher is noble, but it doesn’t pay, that wanting to be an astronaut and an archeologist is ridiculous and that I would never become a bank employee because I abhor Math, but still slightly foolish to be believed that all writers get famous. I thought that my career path was straight and clear. I. Would. Become. A. Writer. And. Get. Famous. Period. It never occurred to me that my career path wasn’t the least straight and clear. It was as murky as the puddles in the street after a rain. I never spared any thought on the process of becoming a writer, just on the idea that I would be a writer. But I was just a stupid daydreamer then (and still), what did I know?
I thought dreaming was as simple as visualizing the future, imagining what you would you be wearing, trying to picture yourself being what you wanted to be. I haven’t counted on Reality, and boy, was he harsh…
My grandpa learned that I wanted to be a writer and begun discoursing on the perils of being a writer. “Journalists are being gunned down on a daily basis”, he told me, "and most of them don’t have a cent to their name.” I thought about O. Henry, who died penniless, and of Shakespeare, whose name is still spoken with awe up to now. I kept mum about O. Henry and told him about Shakespeare. He countered, “but how many of them actually become Shakespeares? Only a handful. No you’re better off with a business degree.” But Lolo, I HATE MATH. I didn’t say that aloud of course.
I didn’t end up taking a business degree, but I did land on ComSci. Of course, this isn’t solely because of that short dialog. I’ve had several conversations with other people that ran along the lines with the one that I had with my grandpa, but they were not responsible for the “choice” that I made. When I applied for UPCAT, I photocopied the form several times because I was sure I’ll changed my mind plenty of times. Ambition warred with practicality and prestige (I wanted to become a writer, yes, but I didn’t think that was a prestigious choice). I couldn’t remember the choices that I’d submitted, but I’m pretty sure ambition lost the war. I remembered reasoning that I could still write alongside the career that I’ve chosen.
So I end up taking ComSci, and I haven’t got any slightest idea what it was about at first. And now I’m in my 3rd year, and during the three years I had loved, hated, gotten bored, gotten excited and felt every possible emotion I could possibly feel towards the field. Of course, I dreamt ComSci related dreams (like being the first person to develop a thought operated word processor so that writers who are slow with the keyboard would not be left behind by their thoughts). Whenever I have time, I still think (or dream) of my old dreams, laugh at my silliness, and write about them.
And oh, did I mention that the foundation of ComSci is…Math?

by: Aubrey Graze Pareja

pre Christmas Blues

2007-10-29T12:00:00.000+07:00

Christmas is the best day of the year for most people. It translates to merriment, money, goodies, new stuff and food, no matter how hard the year has been. It is the time when streets are at their prettiest, for even the most humble home are sure to have a tiny lantern. Christmas songs never fail to uplift the spirit, even if the song itself is sad. And best of all, people become so generous you wonder if they are the same people you knew the whole year.
As a child, Christmas season was almost always the same. As soon as December 16 arrives, my friends and I would go caroling. The main reason why I enjoyed it a lot was not because of the money we’d get, but because I liked walking in dark, quiet streets lighted only by Christmas lights. My friends couldn’t understand why I always insist we pass by a certain street where houses were surrounded by tall gates and walls. We wouldn’t get a penny from people there, they’d argue, since we’re too intimidated to even get close to those houses. But I’d insist. I was probably the only one from the group who appreciated the peaceful walk along that street.
Aside from caroling it was also our tradition to go to Baclaran to buy new sets of clothes to wear for the annual Christmas party at school. We’d also buy gifts to be exchanged there. There’d be hundreds of people bustling and hustling and bargaining in Baclaran’s narrow streets and that is always an entertaining experience. Yes, there’d be plenty of elbowing, nasty smells, sweat and dust or worse, mud- all of these are part of the excitement. For someone who enjoys people watching, Baclaran at December is heaven. You get to see all of humanity’s stereotypes- the bully, the fool, the meek- and most interestingly, those that don’t fit. You get to experience things worth writing about.
Then, there’s the Christmas party at school. Students in the top ten were often required to bring something to school. I brought the same thing every year- a jugful of orange juice- and got known for that. Christmas parties also show how much effort my classmates put into choosing their exchange gifts. I got four picture frames from different classmates during my five year stay at PZES.
Few days after the Christmas party, there’s Christmas itself. My uncle had godfathered a lot of kids, so during that day, parents with kids in tow would be coming in droves to our house. Most of them would be going away disappointed, for with my uncle’s meager budget, he could only afford to give gifts to select few. My sister and I usually play sentinel, telling those unfortunate family that he is away, sick, busy.
Unlike most families, we don’t visit our godparents. I have several; but I don’t know any of them, save one who’s always broke. We don’t bother going to him. My younger siblings’ godparents’ live far, far away. But we still received gifts from relatives, my friends and neighbors. Most of the time, the gifts come in cash, which was handy. The capital my mother used to set up her banana cue stand was the money we pooled one Christmas. It went a long, long way.
I enjoyed doing those things a lot. Every time I looked back, I get this warm feeling in my chest. I also feel a little twinge because ever since we moved to Makati, Christmas season isn’t the same anymore. No more caroling, no more Baclaran trips (Guadalupe is more convenient, but less crowded, less rowdy, less exciting), and no more Christmas parties (insert sad face here). On the upside, people still find it a must to hang Christmas lights and UP is so pretty at night. There are still gifts, lots of food, and new stuff. The songs are still uplifting, and most people are still generous. Christmas is still merry. It’s just that something’s different…
The difference, I guess, is that I’ve grown up.

by: Aubrey Graze Pareja

the two me

2007-10-29T11:55:00.000+07:00

i feel like there's two of me.
the one who writes, and the one who speaks...
i can write about my feelings
i can write about my thoughts
but i can't say them aloud.
when i write
i could criticize, i could jeer
i could mock, i could sneer
but when i speak
i'm the most polite.
i could discuss my fears in paper
and let strangers see
the hidden part of me
that i reveal through written words
but when i open my mouth
all i do is pretend-
pretend that like everybody
i'm being me.

by: Aubrey Graze Pareja

This is the FIRST

2007-10-25T14:33:00.000+07:00

First post!
Well, I hope this blog goes a long way...
more later...